I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
