K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
