The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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