Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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