I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
