god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
