ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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