Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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