If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
