I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
