Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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