brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
