What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
