Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
