i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
