so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
