Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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