A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
