Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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