Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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