and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How naked do you want me to be?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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