You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
