I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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