She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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