you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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