At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
