Just took my morning after pill in the library
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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