There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
