I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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