dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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