There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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