STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
