Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize