its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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