He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
