I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ok first of all what the fuck
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
