This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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