how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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