i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
