it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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