were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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