I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So apparently I’m into choking now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
