So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
