U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
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About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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