At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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