I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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