Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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