Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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