I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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