you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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