I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
vagina is talking i cant
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
