Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
