I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
