So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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