he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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