Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
