Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
