The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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