Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
