he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize