Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
