he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
