I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
