apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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