I am puke
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
