i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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