i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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