Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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