Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
