just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
