u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
