Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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