Will you blow on my dice?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
