I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
