I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
